We get to choose our shape

"The past doesn't shape or define you!"

How often do we hear that statement after any big, medium, or small, rut/hill/challenge (insert other synonyms here) we face? 

However, even though I understand it's a term used to try to console you, it's so false. Please stop believing it. We are shaped by our past. Take for instance a past relationship; we say that our ex doesn't matter and that the relationship means nothing to us anymore, but we all know this is so far from the truth. It does matter. It matters because we often carry feelings and emotions from that relationship into our new one. We are humans, and humans are vulnerable and easily damaged, and when that damage happens, we carry the pieces around with us. Then pieces from other things, like losing someone you love, not getting a good grade, not getting the promotion you want, (insert any other situation here), add to that load and we end up with this really heavy bag. This heavy bag that will never be lighter, until you unload it.

So don't be fooled, the past does in deed shape us. In good ways or bad ways, or even both. But it shapes us. It doesn't have to define us, that's our decision, but we are shaped. 

The good news though?

We get to choose our shape.