Blah

noun

1. the blahs, a feeling of physical uneasiness, general discomfort, or mild depression.
2. a word commonly used to describe an emotional state in which the person feels a sense of having no hope; usually during a deep depression.

Those are definitions (first one from Merriam-Webster and the second from Urban Dictionary) for the emotional state "blah." This is a typical feeling for me. Working in my profession my kiddos and I often discuss their emotional state and I have them describe to me what and why they are feeling that way. This is a challenging activity. At least I know it is for me and it appears to be for many of my youth. Sometimes, you can feel mad, happy or sad and not be able to identify the exact reason why.

Often times, people around me don't understand this. If you know me, you know I struggle with depression. I work hard to be positive and not give into my depression, but there are times when it just wins. People around me will ask why I am sad, and when I tell them I can't explain it, it's puzzling to them, but that's the thing with depression, it isn't black and white and sometimes you just cannot explain why you feel the way you feel, you just know that you feel that way, and it sucks.

Tonight this word, blah, fits a little too much...

"Let's go get drunk b*tches!"

As I sit in my apartment at 8:30 on a Saturday night watching "About a boy" (the tv show not the movie, just to clarify; it's not that good, but hey it's entertaining) I hear some shouting. I pause Netflix to just make sure that it's not my crazed-psycho-girlfriend-abusing-neighbor that lives upstairs, (because really I am afraid I will one day come home and there will be crime scene forensics everywhere, but that's besides the point) to realize it's some girls.

"They must be going out to have some fun," I think to myself and I want to shout, "wait for me!" because lets face it, I've been home nursing my sickness a little too long, like I'm literally going crazy here for some interaction, so I peek out the peep-hole (okay, I realize this is somewhat creepy, don't judge me) to see three girls in sequin dresses that already look completely intoxicated. One girl stops to fix her high heel and the other shouts at her saying "hurry up Candy (that wasn't her name, I'm changing for a more dramatic affect) I'm ready to go get laid!" (No, sadly, that part was not emphasized for drama.)

So I sit back down, continue watching the entertaining show and realize as bored as I am, and as much as I desperately (read: that with emphasis) need girlfriends that live here, that life style is not me. Now I am not judging, I've been there (not the waiting to get laid part, but the going out part) and I realize that by saying this it makes me seem way older than my current youngish age but I guess that's what my life has come to.

"Let's go get drunk b*tches!"

Have fun girls. I am off to see a movie. (yes, alone and no I'm not sad about it.)

P.s. I'm desperately seeking girlfriends located here. Hit me up if you want to apply.