2015. Twenty-Fifteen. Wow. Isn’t it amazing how fast time
really does fly? It’s like when we are in the moment, things seem slower than
ever, but you look back and all the sudden it’s 2015.
2014 was a roller-coaster. It started off so promising; a new
beginning. I moved to a new town, got my first apartment alone, and started a
new position. I felt independent and proud. For the first time in my 25 years
of life (well, I was still 24 at that time) I was completely independent. That’s
huge for me. I struggle with attachment issues and to be able to be on my own
and not need someone . Huge. Yet only a month after all my huge changes, I got
the most devastating news ever. My oldest nephew (18) passed away suddenly. I
felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. When my sister told me, I
literally could not breathe. I knew I needed to be strong for my sister and my
family, but it hurt to be strong. It hurt to be positive about something so
negative. It still hurts every. single. day. Often I wake up at night so happy
from a dream of him and I doing something only to once again feel the bitter
sting that he is no longer here. I do however; push forward, because I know
that he is with me. It isn’t the same. It never will be and to be honest, it
isn’t enough. I feel him though , every time I think about giving up, I feel him
pushing me and that keeps me going, knowing I will see him again someday. Fast
forward several months later (they were all such a blur anyhow) to August. I
started graduate school. I truly and honestly believe it was because my nephew.
I have always felt the need to live my life regardless of my depression, as a way to carry
the life of my father on and now I do so for both him and my nephew. So why
2014 was bitter and cruel and will never be forgotten, I’m happy for the growth that occured , embr aced the good and the bad (w hich was my 2014 word: see recap here).
My word for 2015 will be: Intention.
in·ten·tion /inˈten( t) SH( ə) n/
1.
2.
My goal for 2015 is to do things
with more intention and really to live with intention. We all have a designed
plan in this world and I want to make sure that I’m living life with intention and
not just letting life pass me by. I want to ensure that my life
will end up matching my heart, and my heart will match my faith. Intention: a
word that will guide me to choose wisely: when to go, when to stay, and when
to say goodbye to people, places or things that are no longer good for me.
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So here is to
twenty- fifteen. Here is to living with intention.
