We get to choose our shape

"The past doesn't shape or define you!"

How often do we hear that statement after any big, medium, or small, rut/hill/challenge (insert other synonyms here) we face? 

However, even though I understand it's a term used to try to console you, it's so false. Please stop believing it. We are shaped by our past. Take for instance a past relationship; we say that our ex doesn't matter and that the relationship means nothing to us anymore, but we all know this is so far from the truth. It does matter. It matters because we often carry feelings and emotions from that relationship into our new one. We are humans, and humans are vulnerable and easily damaged, and when that damage happens, we carry the pieces around with us. Then pieces from other things, like losing someone you love, not getting a good grade, not getting the promotion you want, (insert any other situation here), add to that load and we end up with this really heavy bag. This heavy bag that will never be lighter, until you unload it.

So don't be fooled, the past does in deed shape us. In good ways or bad ways, or even both. But it shapes us. It doesn't have to define us, that's our decision, but we are shaped. 

The good news though?

We get to choose our shape.

Chasing Life

So a few weeks ago I found myself on Netflix, like I often do in my attempt to avoid the inevitable grad school homework, searching for something to watch. I came across a show titled "Chasing Life" which the synopsis read something along the lines of a girl my age being admitted to the hospital and learning she has cancer. The handy little "we think you'd enjoy this show" Netflix gives suggested I would rate it 5/5. I recall smirking and thinking, "seriously Netflix? Why would I want to watch a show about a girl who has cancer?" but then I pushed play.

I know what you are thinking, why would a empath like me even think to watch a show about cancer, which is an excellent question. I found myself crying (somewhat uncontrollable at times) as I became so invested with the main character and her life. I found myself happy when she was happy, and hurt when she was hurt. I laughed alongside the funny parts and cried at the sad (yes, I know how this is making me sound being this is a fictional TV show). I don't know much about cancer to be honest, but what I do know, is this show, fiction or not, sparked something inside me.

The main character, after being diagnosed, realizes that she wants to really live life and she invest so much time and energy into her work and her relationships. Always caring and putting others first, and really trying to be optimistic, even when she is the one who is sick, who has cancer, for crap sake. Everyone around her tries to get her to just be selfish and to focus on herself, of course, and there are times when she does, even times when she isn't optimistic, but for the majority of it, she is. Now, don't get me wrong, I clearly understand this is a TV show and real-life isn't like this, but wow.

Here I am, a fairly healthy individual (though I have to admit for the first, well, lets just say few days, I was almost convienced I had cancer-like symptoms) who takes life for granted. I may not have a serious illness in which I am told how much longer I have to live, but I also do not have a promise on how much longer I get to live. We hear it all the time that life isn't promised to us, and too often, we are so busy that we forget that.

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of forgetting that, for taking life for granted, for being okay with just surviving... I'm ready to live. I'm ready to chase life...